It doesn’t take a detective to realize that I haven’t posted on here in a while. In fact, I haven’t been doing much of anything productive, except things I absolutely must do, like college work. I haven’t been writing, or reading, or really… anything. What happened to all that motivation I had at the start of the summer? I wanted to finish my first draft before I started college, but I made no progress at all. Even when I did touch my novel, I would write one or two sentences, maybe a paragraph if I was lucky, and then I would stare off into space for hours. It wasn’t necessarily because I thought it wasn’t worth writing, or that I couldn’t write well (at this point, the idea of a sh*tty first draft is something I live by and don’t let effect me). I just didn’t have the energy. That, as it turns out, is called depression.
Now, to be fair, I’ve had that for a while now. I first started writing as a way to have something to think about other than the bad stuff. Why mentally torture myself, when I could just put a character through emotional turmoil instead? The thing about depression is it makes things you used to find fun and interesting not-so fun and interesting. What started as an escape turned into pressure and a burden. Writing for fun was a concept that became lost to me.
In my defense, my senior year of high school, I had 3 english classes at once. That’s a lot of reading and writing. I got burned out. This summer, I think I read about 2 books, if that. I went from being 5 books ahead of my reading challenge on Goodreads to 6 books behind. Any great writer knows that to be able to write, you need to read. If I’m not reading, I’m not writing, and that was pretty evident in my lack of progress.
I know, I made a post about staying motivated, and, clearly, I haven’t really been following that advice. That’s why I want to get back into blogging about my progress. If I have an audience (even if it only consists of 5 people), then I have to hold myself accountable. So, to the five people that do end up reading this, I will not stop writing. I will write at least a chapter a week. Instead of wasting time staring at the YouTube homepage, I will write. It does not have to be good, but it will be words to shape my story and where I want it to go.
I apologize if this post has been somewhat depressing, as that was not my intent. I want to stop letting all of these things stop me from writing, because I love writing. I just forget that I love it sometimes.